Is camaraderie important to you? Does it feel good to be part of a supportive community? Are you happier doing things with someone else sometimes, and not always doing them alone? I know I am – and I’m pretty sure that most of us feel that way.

Recently I was invited to a six-year-old’s birthday party. Nothing fancy – just good wholesome fun. All the kids got into playing with the multitude of toys. But what struck me most was that a group formed as a result of each one being totally present in the moment with an open and available attitude. Without any direction or planning from the adults, their excitement sparked into action. I watched them run barefoot in the dirt with wild abandon – like I used to do as a youngster. They raced around the old dirt road loop, part of it hidden behind brush. Around and around and around they went, stopping only to pant hard, wipe their sweaty foreheads or laugh about who ran the fastest on the last lap – or what happened at some point in between.

It got me thinking about how rare these simple activities are becoming in our society. Most children do not go outside every day to entertain themselves. I think it’s a healthy and necessary part of growing up. Besides being out in nature – and we all know that’s good for us – kids don’t get bored as often because they learn how to find things to do. It’s not rocket science, but it seems that a lot of children have lost this simple skill. If they are always on their device or constantly being shuttled from one supervised activity to the next, how can we expect them to be self-motivated? They don’t know how!

Okay, so how does this relate to what I said about community? I believe they are directly related. A lot of us feel lonelier and more disconnected now than ever before. But these days we are connected all the time through the web: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Text, Email… How many “friends” do you have? Really? That’s nice. We REALLY need those REAL connections with REAL people. It’s not just millennials and the younger set who have been consumed by social media. It’s us baby boomers as well. I feel like it’s the current connections that are eating up our time and leaving us severely socially deprived. I step back from connecting on a regular basis because it depresses me. We’re so alone – is there anybody really out there?

It’s no wonder that intentional communities are sprouting up all around the world. Each tends to focus on a desired way of life. Some have an environmental awareness, other’s a local food movement, or tiny houses… But they all form from our basic need of community. Working together through common interests fosters the feeling of being truly connected. But there’s a fine line between true communal living and passive communal presence. In my opinion, one of the reasons that the old hippie communes didn’t work was because one or two people got stuck with all the work. If you are the person who always has to initiate all the action and follow through on all the details, then of course you’ll burn out. With no one stepping up to the plate – the community fizzles.

I try to arrange gatherings on a semi-regular basis: hikes, farm to table garden potlucks, occasional wine Wednesdays for us crones, family picnics, drumming circles, outings… At our last family gathering, my son-in-law told me how good it felt to be together and to simply hang out; that it doesn’t take a big planned event – just chips and conversation can suffice. In this time when everyone is so falsely connected that we feel lonelier than ever, it’s essential that we wake up before it’s too late. Step up once in a while – please – and do your part to gather others into your sphere (whatever it might be) and welcome and encourage them into belonging. Even if you’re not the organizer, at least try to show up (physically and emotionally) and show your appreciation. Why not try to take on a part of it yourself? You might be glad you did.

Our family gathering Mt. Laguna, September 2018 – Photo by Sean McCormac

Chi Varnado is working on a new MG novel about a dance studio. Her memoir, A CANYON TRILOGY: Life Before, During and After the Cedar Fire and her children’s book, The Tale of Broken Tail are available on www.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com. You can follow us on www.Facebook.com/gnomewoodcanyon.