QUAIL MUTTERINGS #52. Tag, You’re It! (October 2018)

Posted on October 20, 2018 by Chi

Is camaraderie important to you? Does it feel good to be part of a supportive community? Are you happier doing things with someone else sometimes, and not always doing them alone? I know I am – and I’m pretty sure that most of us feel that way.

Recently I was invited to a six-year-old’s birthday party. Nothing fancy – just good wholesome fun. All the kids got into playing with the multitude of toys. But what struck me most was that a group formed as a result of each one being totally present in the moment with an open and available attitude. Without any direction or planning from the adults, their excitement sparked into action. I watched them run barefoot in the dirt with wild abandon – like I used to do as a youngster. They raced around the old dirt road loop, part of it hidden behind brush. Around and around and around they went, stopping only to pant hard, wipe their sweaty foreheads or laugh about who ran the fastest on the last lap – or what happened at some point in between.

It got me thinking about how rare these simple activities are becoming in our society. Most children do not go outside every day to entertain themselves. I think it’s a healthy and necessary part of growing up. Besides being out in nature – and we all know that’s good for us – kids don’t get bored as often because they learn how to find things to do. It’s not rocket science, but it seems that a lot of children have lost this simple skill. If they are always on their device or constantly being shuttled from one supervised activity to the next, how can we expect them to be self-motivated? They don’t know how!

Okay, so how does this relate to what I said about community? I believe they are directly related. A lot of us feel lonelier and more disconnected now than ever before. But these days we are connected all the time through the web: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Text, Email… How many “friends” do you have? Really? That’s nice. We REALLY need those REAL connections with REAL people. It’s not just millennials and the younger set who have been consumed by social media. It’s us baby boomers as well. I feel like it’s the current connections that are eating up our time and leaving us severely socially deprived. I step back from connecting on a regular basis because it depresses me. We’re so alone – is there anybody really out there?

It’s no wonder that intentional communities are sprouting up all around the world. Each tends to focus on a desired way of life. Some have an environmental awareness, other’s a local food movement, or tiny houses… But they all form from our basic need of community. Working together through common interests fosters the feeling of being truly connected. But there’s a fine line between true communal living and passive communal presence. In my opinion, one of the reasons that the old hippie communes didn’t work was because one or two people got stuck with all the work. If you are the person who always has to initiate all the action and follow through on all the details, then of course you’ll burn out. With no one stepping up to the plate – the community fizzles.

I try to arrange gatherings on a semi-regular basis: hikes, farm to table garden potlucks, occasional wine Wednesdays for us crones, family picnics, drumming circles, outings… At our last family gathering, my son-in-law told me how good it felt to be together and to simply hang out; that it doesn’t take a big planned event – just chips and conversation can suffice. In this time when everyone is so falsely connected that we feel lonelier than ever, it’s essential that we wake up before it’s too late. Step up once in a while – please – and do your part to gather others into your sphere (whatever it might be) and welcome and encourage them into belonging. Even if you’re not the organizer, at least try to show up (physically and emotionally) and show your appreciation. Why not try to take on a part of it yourself? You might be glad you did.

Our family gathering Mt. Laguna, September 2018 – Photo by Sean McCormac

Chi Varnado is working on a new MG novel about a dance studio. Her memoir, A CANYON TRILOGY: Life Before, During and After the Cedar Fire and her children’s book, The Tale of Broken Tail are available on www.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com. You can follow us on www.Facebook.com/gnomewoodcanyon.

QUAIL MUTTERINGS #13: Three Walks (January 21, 2012)

Posted on January 29, 2012 by chivarnado

QUAIL MUTTERINGS #13. Three Walks (January 21, 2012)

We’re already three weeks into the new year! Can you believe it? 2011 seemed to have disappeared in record time leaving me feeling a little at a loss. Sure, we all tend to agree that each year appears to fly by quicker than the previous one, but it’s one thing to just talk about it and quite another to allow yourself to feel it. It can be a bit unsettling. The only remedy I know of, even if only temporary at best, is to go out for a walk. Not a power walk or a run, but more of a stroll. So that’s what I did. Three times this week. I sandwiched these jaunts between work, tax preparations and a variety of other time consuming, stress producing activities.

On Tuesday morning, after my morning exercises but before teaching the afternoon ballet classes, I wandered across the dry creek and the green sloping field across the dirt road and headed Northish. I stepped over an old, dead tree trunk that had fallen down the week before. I’d been throwing out hay for the horses and goats at the time and heard the crash of the branches breaking, but didn’t know exactly where it had come from.

When I got over to the upper field the green grass carpet sparkled. Each blade of grass was tipped with a dewdrop. Yes indeed, I thought, the fairies have been here. I remembered the lines from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, when I’d played the part of the fairy at Coronado Playhouse.

“…And I serve the Fairy Queen

To dew her orbs upon the green.

The cowslips tall her pensioners be.

In their gold coats spots you see;

Those be rubies, fairy favours;

In those freckles live their savours.

I must go seek some dewdrops here,

And hang a pearl in every cowslip’s ear…”

I lingered by the old Model-A truck frame, enchanted by the beautiful sea of diamonds, catching the early morning’s rays of sunlight before the wash of warmth coming over the ridge would alter their form. It felt magical for the moment.

On Wednesday morning I decided not to go for a run, but to take a walk instead. This time my dog, Job, and I headed back into the canyon. Brrr was it cold! Jack Frost had come to visit that night and turned the whole creekbed into a winter wonderland. Everything was coated white. The bushes, the grass, the sticks lying on the ground… All was frozen. It was a dazzling display of a winter’s kiss.

Further up the dirt road I passed another old Model-A. Icicles hung from the back bumper like stalactites. Far more perfect and appealing to my eyes than the strands of icicle lights hung everywhere during the Christmas season. They’re nice too, but really, there’s no competition.

Job followed his nose as we started up the mountain. He stays with me pretty well, but he likes a little freedom too. We walked through The Pretty Place, a small meadow with a creek running through it that sprouts thousands of delicate wildflowers in the spring. We’ve called it that since I was a kid. Just up from there I noticed the wild violets coming up. It’s only January and I don’t recall them so early before. The lilacs are even starting to bloom.

Once up top, at The Saddle, I was finally in the sun. It felt wonderful after being in the shade of the mountain all the way up. I looked across at the lovely blue-colored Cuyamacas in the distance and heard the water running, far below, in the Kimball Valley Creek. This water often comes fromLakeSoutherland on its way to San Vicente Lake.

I turned around to head back down the hill and paused to let the sun’s warmth sink into my back. This is nature’s therapy at work. I didn’t want to leave. After a few minutes, I nodded to my dog and we began our descent. With each step I noticed the muted crackle of the half-frozen twigs breaking beneath my feet. It was a familiar, somehow comforting sound of being in the moment, in the countryside, enjoying being alone on top of the mountain.

My third walk of the week was on Thursday with my oldest daughter, Jessie, who’s visiting fromChinawhere she teaches English at a university inLianyungang. It’s terrific that the Chinese New Year is almost two months long! At least her vacation is. She’s spending a couple days here with us, every so often, to get her dose of country air. She says the pollution there in the big cities is just awful. We walked briskly down the dirt road and then up a hill. This increased heart rates and forced us to breathe deeply and enjoy the views.

As I write this our son, Chance, is taking the Greyhound Bus back up to ChicoStateafter a long break between semesters. Soon, I’ll need to start picking out music and choreographing for the studio’s spring production of Rapunzel. Somehow the magic of this week’s walks: the ‘fairies’ dewdrops and Jack Frost’s visit, have helped inspire my readiness for the creative tasks that lay waiting for me in this new year. I now hope to ponder and wonder more, and watch, without trying to plan so much. It sounds worthwhile, anyway. Doesn’t it?