Friends, family, pets… It seems to become more and more important as we age to tend these precious relationships. Of course, it’s beneficial that we, ourselves, be proactive and reach out to those around us—especially to the ones who might be feeling isolated. But this is not solely an act of altruism. The kindness can also be selfish in that it can fuel us as well, making it a win/win situation.

            As families scatter to different places and our group of friends gets smaller, someone’s got to be the prime mover before we all end up alone and lonely. Some of us are not as internet savvy and with that now being the main mode of operation, we can feel left out and left behind. “Do I really have to text you first—before calling?” Some, evidently, don’t regularly check their email either. Is that outdated as well? I think I’ll go outside and pet my dog.

            Animals also have obvious feelings. I remember, years ago, when one of our old horses went down once again, with possible structural damage this time. She had coped for many years with EPM (Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis), a disease that forever can affect balance and coordination. We had to have the veterinarian out to put her down and a neighbor graciously came that night to help bury her with his tractor. When all was done her pasture mate pawed at her grave, laid down, and rolled and rolled—over and over again. It was heart-wrenching to witness. Clearly, she meant a lot to him. And for months after, he was depressed. This wasn’t the first time, or the last, that I’ve seen this kind of emotion with our horses over the decades. Often with children, and sometimes adults, they act out when they can’t get attention. Actually, negative attention can be better than none at all. We all crave connection, animals too.

            When I get in the car and start the engine, the radio comes on automatically. It’s one of those annoying factory installs that nobody seems to know how to rectify. Yesterday, instead of immediately turning it off, I picked up on a discussion that happened to tie in with my current thoughts. They were talking about a problem which could be looming. There are some people who will be put off with the abundance of AI-generated information and assistance and, instead, choose to use their electronic devices only when absolutely necessary. They will seek out more in person exchanges. Others, excited by the new technology, will jump in whole-heartedly and spend a lot more time on their beloved computers, smart phones, tablets, watches… There could be less and less communication between the two groups, which is likely to create even more of a divide in our society.

            Consequently, there’s a new term, “Errand Friend,” which refers to someone who can accompany us on our otherwise mundane, run-of-the-mill tasks. Or we can go along with them. Or both. It can be beneficial for all. It’s a cheap outing, no special attire needed, or extravagant detail planning. It makes good sense and can help satisfy some of our social needs.

            “Hey, do you want to come over and help me water? Then I can clean out your cupboard with you.”

            “How about accompanying me to the doctor and then we can have a picnic in the park on the way home?”

            “Sure, I’ll babysit. And hey, could you come over and help me move my dresser?”

            You get the picture.

            Sometimes, when I go to the beach with a friend or two, we stop and run errands together on the way home: Trader Joe’s, Lowes, Jimbo’s… You know, as long as we’re down the hill anyway. This prevents a separate trip; saving time, wear and tear on our vehicle, gasoline—while making these chores a bit more fun.

            So, what’s your next task? Can you rope in a friend? Going somewhere that you’d like some company? Offer a ride to share in a grocery shopping trip? The possibilities can be limitless. Maybe I’ll see you out there.

Chi Varnado has published six books including fiction, nonfiction and children’s books. They are available on www.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com or www.dancecentrepresents.com.

She is available to adults and children for fun tutoring in writing.       

           How on earth, almost fifty years after getting out of school, do I still get that familiar clenching in my gut as September looms ominously. I don’t have to go back to school, but that underlying dread still darkens the end of summer. And, I’d venture to guess, I’m not the only one who is affected like this.

            Sure, lots of kids like school and look forward to the end of their summer boredom. However, I think for many of us who have never really met boredom, this is not the case. I’m not inferring that school is bad. It just, for me, signifies a more rigid indoor routine which didn’t suit my nature.

            I do worry about children these days being cooped up inside for the majority of their waking hours—staring at screens and clicking keyboards. Not every kid has access to endless days out in nature, but I do think it’s our job as parents, grandparents, or friends to do what we can to provide ample opportunities for them to explore and learn on their own. Not everything can or should be “taught” and this undirected exploring is extremely valuable.

            Self-directed learning in any area can lead to knowledge and understanding that will prove useful in the future, often more than things learned from being “taught”. Linear learning has its drawbacks for sure, sometimes coming across as either dull or irrelevant. That’s how many children feel. This is a topic which requires much more time and space than I have here. So, I’d like to jump ahead to how this can influence us for the rest of our lives.

            If the desire to “learn” is squelched by the time we graduate then we are probably less able to fulfill our true happiness. I don’t think many of us can be all that happy if we cease to grow. And that requires learning. And figuring out“how” to learn. By natural exploration we often find that one thing leads to another and can become a journey of passion.

            After losing my mom and then practically every material thing we owned in the Cedar Fire, I became consumed with writing. At first it started as a log of events and then a sort of journaling. It turned into more after signing up for a UCSD memoir writing course, and then for the next five years I continued to write with the La Jolla Writers Group. In between rebuilding our house, running a dance studio, and maintaining our ranch and family, I wrote my chapters and joined my fellow writers for critiques and support. What absolutely flabbergasted me was when I got a similar type of high from writing as from dance and choreography. It was incredible. I happily embraced any kind of information needed to follow this new passion.

            In 2008 my memoir, A Canyon Trilogy: Life Before, During and After The Cedar Fire, was published. I lucked out in getting my article featured on the cover of The San Diego Reader and continued to write for other venues. This led to book signings, television appearances, radio segments… stuff that made me grow as a person. When younger, I thought I might write about dance once my body got too old to do anything else, but this writing thing just took over and led to more books and also just the sheer joy of writing. Looking back at how this all began, it’s hard to believe it was over twenty years ago. For me, it’s been a natural learning curve that keeps on going.

            I suppose this type of learning involves a leap of faith, of sorts. I’d never really done any of this before other than writing press releases for the Dance Centre and a few grant proposals. I jumped off my imagined ledge, just like a fledgling must do for its first flight. I do rather embrace the notion that there is no “trying,” just “DO”. What if it takes giving yourself a dare to DO something? Then—just do it! Of course, this does mean that whatever it is, it’s worth doing and is for the common good. Just sayin’.

Chi Varnado has published six books including fiction, nonfiction and children’s books. They are available onwww.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com or www.dancecentrepresents.com.

She is available to adults and children for fun tutoring in writing. Her Plein Air Writers group meets from 10:00 to 11:00 AM at Dos Picos Park by the pond on the first and third Saturdays of August, and the second and fourth Saturdays in Old Poway Park on Midland Road at the picnic tables. If interested just show up with a $10 cash donation and paper and pen (or laptop) to follow your creative muse.

           A crone can refer to a wise, mature woman. One we look up to, at times, for spiritual guidance, wisdom or sage advice. On the flipside is the hag: unattractive, withered and unpleasant. But either way, we older women are seen as both— depending on whose perspective it’s from. Like it or not, this happens to all us females of the species lucky enough to have stayed alive this long.

            How about embracing our elderhood? We’ve made it this far on the top side of the ground so let’s celebrate it. Not everyone gets here. In many ancient cultures ‘the elders’ were greatly respected. Knowledge resides not in those young egos, but in the calm stillness of surviving, and hopefully thriving, over the long haul. It’s a time to cherish each minute, hour, day, year…

            Hey, you younger nymphs out there— don’t kid yourself. You can’t possibly have all the answers. You simply haven’t been around long enough. Find a worthy crone and be open to the idea that she may offer a broader perspective. Just an idea. Do with it what you feel is best. I just wish my parents were still around to ask the questions that are just now coming to mind. We’re so overwhelmed during our “sandwich years” (raising our own families, working at a career, and sometimes caring for an aging parent…) that we can’t even begin to formulate the questions we may have. Or to take the time to truly listen. Is this by grand design? If so, what a rotten trick. Whatever the reason, we’re always left with so much to figure out on our own.

            But there are resources out there. Many of them. And some would love the opportunity to provide this helpful service. Just ask and be receptive to perhaps a different take on things.

            We crones now have the opportunity to be connoisseurs of “New”. We have a fresh freedom unleashed within us to explore what we haven’t before. We’re no longer tethered to raising kids and putting ourselves last. It’s our time now and it’s way overdue. However, “New” often requires us to get out of our comfort zone, at least a little bit. Sometimes just going on a date with ourselves (no one else) can be a fun way to do something that a friend may not be up for. And it’s possible we’ll find that we’re not too bad of company to be alone with. It could be a lunch out, or an outing to the zoo or a museum, or a bolder solo road trip. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron encourages us to do this on a regular basis. And I think it builds character while we’re at it.

            Then there’s the whole body-image thing going on while our physical being seems to transform daily—and not in a good way. If I dare wear a two-piece swim suit to the beach, hoping for some mostly all-over color and maximum vitamin D absorption, I hope to God that I don’t see anybody I know. I think all of us crones have some of that insecurity and try to cover up these perceived “flaws” the best we can. But how sad is that? No, we don’t look like we did in our younger years, we can’t. But it should not be expected that we would. I’m trying to embrace aging gracefully and be more accepting of what comes. Not an easy task.

            With a longer life a certain resilience forms. Without it, we’d be gone long ago. We have an easier time letting go of expectations when the years have pounded in the message that tomorrow is simply not to be expected. And speaking of letting go, we learn that enough is enough, materialistically. I mean, should we really put an inordinate amount of work onto our kids to have to sort through all our stuff when we’re gone? 

            Once we are on top of our death cleaning then it frees up time for creativity and personal growth. We may step into our authentic selves with more confidence. Another perk: older adults tend to have more relaxed, stronger relationships without the drama of youth. That feels true. I hope to keep choosing to embrace my hagitude and live as fully as I can in the here and now. And, hopefully, in the ongoing present as well. Cheers to finding your “New”.

Chi Varnado has published six books including fiction, nonfiction and children’s books. They are available on www.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com or www.dancecentrepresents.com.

She is available to adults and children for fun tutoring in writing. Her Plein Air Writers group meets from 10:00 to 11:00 AM at Dos Picos Park by the pond on the first and third Saturdays of July and August. If interested just show up with a $10 cash donation and paper and pen (or laptop) to follow your creative muse.